Our divided nation is dividing families. Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s family – even his wife – are appalled at his support of former President Trump, and Tim Walz’s brother, Jeff Walz, has declared that his brother’s progressive ideology is the reason he hasn’t talked to him in eight years. 

The emotional loss of family and friends damages our mental health; the divisiveness among colleagues can poison the workplace.

This is not new. In the Civil War, it was not uncommon for a brother to fight his own brother. Our Founding Fathers often viciously disagreed. But they created institutional checks and balances to compensate for what they could not modify personally: our inability to hear opposing perspectives without becoming defensive. 

With my background as a Ph.D. in political science who has also conducted couples’ communication workshops for the past 30 years, the search for a solution intrigued me. 

I saw that historically speaking, when we heard criticism, we feared a potential enemy. Therefore, building defenses was functional for survival. But for love, it’s just dysfunctional.

To transform civil war to civil dialogue with loved ones and friends, we need to develop behaviors that alter our natural biological propensity for defensiveness. Until these behaviors are practiced repeatedly, few people can practice them for more than an hour, but that is long enough to leave our friend or family member feeling heard.

With feedback from workshop participants reporting what did and didn’t work in their real lives, I developed a ‘Caring and Sharing Practice.’ Since it is easier to hear criticism after we’ve been appreciated, the process begins with the first person who will be expressing her or his perspectives (or ‘criticism’) sharing two appreciations of the other at five levels of specificity.

For example, Tim Walz’s brother or RFK Jr.’s sister might recall not just how curious their brother was, but share a specific childhood story. They could highlight their respect for how their brother consistently asked follow-up questions and had the courage to speak up about his beliefs without fearing rejection.

The next step begins with the understanding that ‘every virtue taken to its extreme becomes a vice.’ Prior to Walz’s and RFK Jr.’s sibling expressing their aversion to their brother’s perspective, they would search for the original virtue that motivates their brother.

Jeff, as a critic of ‘progressive feminism’ would search for the sister or daughter whose life is more fulfilled by opportunities feminism helped create; Tim Walz, as a ‘progressive feminist,’ might search for the virtue of Jeff emphasizing the importance of dad and faith to both children and their mother.

Prior to the core practice, I ask political opponents what they have in common. The answer? They all care. No one is apathetic. Caring enough to be actively involved is crucial to the sustaining of democracy.

Now the key ‘Caring and Sharing Practice’ begins: since it’s biologically natural to become defensive when receiving criticism, I ask the person receiving the feedback to first alter their natural state. They meditate using six specific mindsets.  

For example, I call one mindset ‘The Love Guarantee.’ Walz and RFK Jr.’s siblings might say, ‘The more I provide a safe environment for my brother’s perspectives, the more he will feel loved by me, and in turn, the more love he will feel for me.’ 

The listener then signals when they feel completely receptive and secure. If they ‘lose it’ they say ‘Hold’ and resume the conversation only after they’ve found a mindset or two that recenters them.

Once Walz and RFK Jr.’s siblings have heard their brother, they share what they heard; then ask if they distorted anything. They keep working at it until Walz and RFK Jr feel nothing is distorted. 

Then they ask if they missed anything, and finally, ask if they wish to add anything. Once Walz and RFK Jr. feel completely heard, they reverse the process for their siblings.

At the completion of the process, each sibling shares two more appreciations at five levels of specificity.

None of this requires anyone to change their mind. Only to leave someone they care for feeling understood and seen in the way they understand and see themselves.

Elections are now. Families are forever.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton celebrated her nearly 50-year marriage to former President Bill Clinton despite ‘dark periods’ throughout their relationship. 

‘I’ve said this for many years, nobody really knows what happens in a marriage except the two people in it. And every marriage I’m aware of has ups and downs – not public, hopefully for everyone else – and you have to make the decisions that are right for you. And I would never tell anybody else, ‘stay in a marriage, leave a marriage,’ whatever the easy answer is. And you know, for me and for us, I think it’s fair to say we are so grateful that at this stage of our life, we have our grandchildren. We have our time together,’ Clinton told CNN’s Fareed Zakaria in an interview that aired Sunday morning. 

Clinton recently published her new memoir, ‘Something Lost, Something Gained,’ which included excerpts on how ‘both my marriage and Bill’s presidency were imperiled’ at the end of the 1990s. Bill Clinton’s presidency was rocked by a sex scandal in 1998, with the 42nd president admitting to having an affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky later that year. 

Hillary Clinton did not cite Monica Lewinsky by name in her memoir or during her interview that aired Sunday, only referring to ‘dark periods’ that threatened her marriage or ‘a very unfortunate’ incident.

‘I write about how we start the morning playing spelling bee in bed. And, you know, Bill is like such a great player. He gets to Queen Bee almost immediately it feels like. We just have a good time. We have a good time sharing this life that we’ve lived together for now nearly 50 years of marriage. That’s what is right for us, and that’s really my, my message,’ Clinton shared of her marriage during the interview. 

The couple married on Oct. 11, 1975, meaning they will celebrate their 50th anniversary next year. 

Bill Clinton was ultimately impeached over his affair with Lewinsky, charging him with lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. 

Hillary Clinton said that during ‘one of the darkest periods’ of the impeachment, she felt ‘deeply hurt’ by the scandal, while ‘on the other hand,’ she saw the incident as a ‘political ploy’ to force her husband out of office. 

‘I had to almost have a binary view of the world that I was living in my reality,’ she reflected of how she was feeling during the impeachment. ‘My reality, on the one hand, I was deeply hurt, deeply confused, really upset, angry. And on the other hand, I knew that this was a political ploy to try to drive, you know, Bill out of office, and I thought he’d been a really good president, and I resented that as an American citizen, that these hypocrites, who, you know, had all kinds of their own stories about, you know, marriage and everything else, were going after him because of a very unfortunate, you know, incident in his life. 

‘So on the one hand, I’m trying to make a decision about my life, my marriage, my future, my child, my family, which only I could make. On the other hand, I saw the hypocrisy and cruelty of what those Republican, you know, members of Congress were doing, and that that is a reality that people on the outside could never have understood. 

‘And you know, obviously I got tons of unsolicited advice from all sorts of observers, but my friends – and I have a whole chapter in there about how incredibly grateful I am to my friends – friends of a lifetime, friends you know, that have stood with me, have supported me, who, during that dark period showed up at the White House to be with me,’ she said. 

The U.S. government will be funded for another three months, thanks to a bipartisan funding agreement reached on Sunday that avoids a government shutdown.

The agreement maintains funding until Dec. 20, with the House likely to vote on the bill as early as Wednesday.

The development was announced in a press release by Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y.

‘Over the past 4 days, bipartisan, bicameral negotiations have been underway to reach an agreement that maintains current funding through December 20 and avoids a government shutdown a month before the election,’ Schumer’s statement reads.

‘While I am pleased bipartisan negotiations quickly led to a government funding agreement free of cuts and poison pills, this same agreement could have been done two weeks ago.’

The bill also includes $231 million for the U.S. Secret Service with conditions that the agency cooperates with congressional investigations.

This breaking news story is developing. Check back with us for updates.